你真的会说话吗？

你有没有经历过在与陌生人交流时遇到这样的尴尬时刻，沉默？没话讲？不知道该说什么？

其实我们每个人都有不同的说话风格，如果说你比较外向，那么对你来说，一次轻松的谈话对你来说应该会是很轻松的。可如果你比较内向，那对你来说就比较有压力了，你可能第一想到的就是逃避。

学会沟通真的很重要，哪怕是小领域的成功，都可以反映出你的能力，比如说在面试中，竞争力那么大，那你就要学会以你的谈吐来为自己赢得出路。

今天小普给大家找到了如何说话的最佳指南，其来自于以人为中心的治疗师卡尔•罗杰斯，大家可以根据罗杰斯贡献的这些方法，来弥补我们不会交流的短板，不管你多么不喜欢或者讨厌与陌生人交流，这个完美的公式都会让你取得成功。

Listen. Too often when we're meeting someone new, we try to fill the dead moments with chatter about ourselves. Far better for you to listen first, talk second. Of course, someone has to start the conversation, but if you and your companion actually not worry about what to say next, things will flow more naturally.

学会倾听。当我们与陌生人交谈时，我们经常会以喋喋不休来缓解尴尬。但其实更好的方法是先听后说。不可否认，必须要有一个人先来打开话题。但如果你和你的同伴都不会没话说，那么你们之间的交谈将会很自然。

Use empathic reflecting skills.  The next level of Rogerian communication involves restating what you heard or at least what you think you heard. This will show that you've been listening and will also allow your conversation partner to clarify if in fact you are way off in your judgment of what you thought you heard.

移情反射技能。罗氏交谈的下一个技能就是重述你所听的或者你认为你听到的。这样会表现出你没有走神 ，也会让你的交流对象知道你究竟有没有在认真分析他的谈话。

Turn on your nonverbal detectors. Rogers was well known for his ability to read the body language of his clients. It's easiest to do this if you refocus your attention from how you're feeling inside to how you think the other person is feeling based on that person's nonverbal cues. If the person seems uncomfortable with where the conversation is heading, shift gears. Though some people enjoy debating politics, religion, and sex, other people would rather keep things light. Learn how to gauge the impact of what you're saying by reading bodily cues such as posture, eye contact, and hand movements.

打开非语言检测器。罗杰斯最有名的就是他能读懂客户肢体语言的能力。其实基于别人的肢体动作，你内心就会察觉别人的感觉是怎样的，如果你能注意到这一点，读懂肢体语言对你来说也是很简单的。如果交谈对象对谈话的方向不是那么满意，那就赶紧换个话题。有些人喜欢谈论政治，宗教，还有性，有些人却更喜欢一种轻松的氛围。所以要学会根据一些肢体语言，比如姿势，眼神交流，或者手部动作来判断所谈话题是否合适。

Avoid snap judgments.  If you follow steps 1-3 above, you'll be less likely to misjudge the person you're talking to, but we all suffer from the temptation to rush to conclusions about people based on superficial cues. Things aren't always what they seem to be when meeting someone for the first time. If you've listened carefully, reflected back what you heard, and kept your nonverbal channel open, you'll be less likely to make a mistaken judgment based on outer cues.

避免快速判断。如果你是按照以上三个步骤来的，那么对你交流对象的判断基本不会错误。但是我们常常会被一些表面现象所迷惑，武断地给出一个结论。其实第一次和别人交谈时，很多事情并不像表面看到的那样。其实只要你仔细听了，再认真反思你所听到的，并且用上你的肢体语言检测器，基于一些外在线索，你就基本不会做出一个错误的判断。

Be an online detective or behavioral profiler. You can help your case even further if you have the chance to find out ahead of time who you'll be meeting along with a little bit of their history. Then you'll be prepared to ask questions that will be relevant to the people you're meeting. If you don't have the opportunity, practice your behavioral profiling by using the visual cues at your disposal (think Sherlock Holmes who could infer occupation by looking at someone's hands).

做一个在线“侦探”或行为“分析器”。如果你有机会提前发现你交流对象的一些背景，那就会在很大程度帮助你。所以你就可以提前准备好关于交流对象所要问的问题。但如果你无法提问知道交流对象的背景，可以通过你所掌握的视觉线索试试你的行为“分析器”（ 想想看福尔摩斯就可以通过看一个人的手来推断这个人的职业）。

Don't assume people will agree with you. Research on social psychology shows that many of us engage in the "assumed similarity bias." It's not safe to conclude that because you are opposed to one or another political party that the person you're talking to is as well. Debates can make for enjoyable conversation. If you assume everyone feels as you do, though, it's likely you'll get started on the wrong foot and end up with it in your mouth.

不要总认为别人会和你达成共识。社会心理学研究表明:我们很多人都会陷入一种“假设相似偏见”中。如果你直接就反对一个人或者政党，恰恰你的交流对象却支持他们，这时候就非常危险了。辩论有时候可以让双方进行愉快的谈话。如果你总觉得每个人都像你想的那样，那你从一开始就错了，也最终会败在你的嘴上。

Try to learn from each interaction with a new person.  A person you've never met before may have been places and done things that you haven't yet or will never do. People from other places, including countries other than your own, can give you new perspectives. They will only open up if you show that you're interested. You can expand your knowledge of other regions, cultures, and nations, ultimately making you a more interesting conversationalist as well.

试着从与新人的互动中去学习。一个你之前从未遇到的人可能去过你从来没到过的地方，或者做过你从来没做过的事情。那些来自和你不同地方、不同国家的人往往可以给你一个新的视角。只有你表明你非常感兴趣，他们才会和你敞开聊。你可以充实你对其他地区、文化、国家的了解，最终将自己塑造成一位有趣的谈话主义者。

Stay on top of the news. Being familiar with current events is absolutely the best way to have enough topics to bring up in any conversation. The topics don't have to be weighty nor do they have to involve in-depth expertise. Even knowing what the number one box office hit or what the hot songs or videos are is better than being oblivious to what is going on in the world around you.

时刻关注热点。熟悉当前时事在任何谈话中都绝对是最好的方式让你有足够的话题。这个话题不一定非得极具分量，也不要求具有深入的专业知识。即便只知道票房最高的是哪部电影或者热门歌曲和视频都比你脱离周围的轨道好的多。

Know when not to talk. Some people prefer no conversation at all, especially in confined situations such as public transportation. You might think it's great to while away the boring hours on a long airplane ride by conversing with your seat neighbor. However, if you're getting cues from that passenger (or others around you) to the contrary, then take the hint that your silence would be considered golden. If you find yourself constantly doing this wherever you go (and getting negative feedback), make sure you won't be bored by bringing along something to read or do to keep yourself amused.

清楚什么时候该说什么时候不该说。一些人根本不喜欢交谈，特别是在一些像公共交通上。你可能觉得在长途飞机上与邻座聊天来打发无聊的时间是一个非常不错的主意。然而，相反地，如果你细细探究那位乘客或者你周围的人，你就会发现可能你闭嘴才是好办法。如果你发现不论你在哪都是这样(或者别人没有给你积极回应)，那你可以选择读一些书籍或者做一些其他事情使自己开心，打发无聊。

Don't overshare. Perhaps you've heard the adage that it's ok to tell strangers your most private secrets. After all, you'll never see them again. Right?

切忌过度分享。或许你听过这句格言:可以将你深藏的秘密告予一个陌生人。毕竟，你不会再见到他了，对吧？

There are 3 flaws in that argument:

但是关于这个说法有3个缺陷：

1. You may see that person again, or that person might know someone you know. In the six-degrees-of separation world that we live in, it's amazing how quickly your personal secrets can spread.

第一，你有可能还会再次碰到那个人，或者这个人认识你的朋友。我们生活在一个六度分割理论的世界，你隐私的传播速度之快令你难以想象。

2. People feel uncomfortable when they hear a stranger's deepest secrets. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. How would you feel if you heard someone you hardly know tell you about their love affairs, medical condition, or family disputes?

第二，当听到一个陌生人的秘密时，其实人是很不舒服的。换位思考一下，如果一个你几乎不认识的人告诉你他们的爱情，医疗状况或者家庭纠纷，你会感觉怎样？

3.Oversharing can make you a bore. Though we can choose not to read the tedious everyday ramblings of our Facebook friends, it's a little more difficult to do this in person. You should be able to judge when you're about to commit the sin of TMI (too much information).

第三，过度分享有时会让你成为一个让人厌烦的人，虽然我们可以选择不去关心别人的日常琐事，但其实要我们做到不分享还是有点困难的，你应该清楚你什么时候将会犯TMI这个错误（暴露太多信息）。

并非每个人都喜欢结识新朋友，但生活中我们却避免不了与陌生人交谈，试试这些方法，可能会给你一些不一样的体会。

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